[ Who is that one person you need out of your life to bring you happiness? ]
I know my person and I’m officially burning a bridge that has not existed for 10+ years.
I remember when he was one of my closest friends. We met doing a show and were part of a gang that was full of love and support. The contract ended and our friendship continued. I was proud to call him a core friend, a forever friend.
Over time, I started to notice anytime I wanted to hear from him, he wanted something from me. I was happy to give it to him. I loved giving to him and he loved taking.
... and then he got hired as a talent agent.
The moment he could give something to me, I got this elitist energy from him. Me hoping and thinking that he could now open doors for me was apparently annoying for me to bring up in a conversation. Because of the hands-off energy and my concern for keeping the friendship, I never pushed for him to represent me.
Despite my silence, the fact that I was an actor and he was an agent, somehow demolished him seeing me as a friend anymore. I was merely a selection on a menu he were no longer interested in investing in. He wanted to only be around people he considered high end. It made me feel like dirt. Pond scum. Trash.
I sucked it up and said all the appropriate and graceful things you say to a person who is an agent and also a friend you are hoping to keep. We had a positive history of love and support. Didn’t that matter?
No. It didn’t matter what I did. He moved on and pushed me out of his inner circle in the time it takes to boil a cup of water in a microwave. As I watched him push me away, I complained to our mutual friends. I privately hoped that this was a phase and we would be true friends again.
Fast forward to today, approximately 10 years later, and the loss of our friendship still stings. He maintained a friendship with the one friend from our group who had been a featured dancer multiple times on television and then made it to Broadway. This has made me feel awful and not good enough. This has made me wish I wasn’t me.
Hoping for a renewal of his friendship has gotten me to question my own worth, talent, and confidence. He broke my heart and I’m still healing from the loss of a friendship I never wanted to end.
It is time to say good-bye by giving him the finger. I’m taking my power, pride, and self esteem back. I am worth the time, energy, and investment as a friend. He is no longer on my the menu for my life.
Being a performer is already a challenging career. We need to surround ourselves and regularly provide love to all others in the performance community. Don’t put yourself on a pedestal or throw yourself under a bus. We are all on the same level. Do not let anyone tell or make you feel otherwise.