[My friend saved me]
Last night, I was attending rehearsal with so much self-doubt and my friend, Lisa Curran, rescued me from my darkness.
I cannot say enough about this woman. Every room she walks into, she generously spreads an enormous amount of positivity. Her general love for people is infectious and people automatically feel happy in her presence.
To no one’s fault, I was feeling out of my element at rehearsal. I felt like an imposter amongst the group. I feared people already thought or were starting to believe I was a dickhead. What if they were right and this would inevitably lead to me being an outcast in the cast?
You might be wondering where this all comes from. Unfortunately, I have experienced this in the past and the journey was terrible. I was an outsider in a cast at a professional theater, leaving me to spend my time off alone and watching TV shows on my computer. The rest of the cast would plan outings secretly in order to avoid having to invite me. I would later see pictures on social media where everyone seemed quite happy to spend time without me. Incidents like this fed into my lack of self-worth that I continue to struggle with today. It has led to me constantly question my appearance, my personality, and my ability to fit in.
Even sharing this part of my life gives me great shame. I feel like telling you, the reader, opens up the opportunity to think, “there’s got to be something wrong with Jenna.”
Anyhoo, last night, Lisa created a safe space where I could express my fears. I could be myself and not feel judged. I felt loved. This is huge for anyone with my past. Her kindness helped me feel more welcome than I was allowing myself to feel. She made me feel more comfortable in my own skin.
Friendship in theatre is very important. You need people who understand the profession and support you no matter what. If you don’t have friends where you can be your authentic self, you are at a big loss. I know because I have experienced that isolation.
If you are a person who is unfortunately feeling very alone in a show, feel free to reach out to me. I understand and I will support you.