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  • Writer's pictureJenna Kantor

Have you ever lost your love?

[ Have you ever lost your love? ]

I recall one particular time in my life when I was questioning my love for ballet. I moved from California to Pennsylvania my senior year in high school to be intensely trained at Central Pennsylvania Youth Ballet (CPYB) in order to be hired as a professional ballerina at the San Francisco Ballet.

I was placed in a class with five-year-olds due to my poor natural turnout. In class, I was a giant next to these little munchkins who were just learning learning how to speak in longer sentences. On top of this, I was at a high school where I was unable to make new friends. Very quickly, I found myself miserable. I wanted to go home, but I did not want to leave an opportunity that would lead me to my dream career. I made a pros and cons list that made it undeniably obvious that it was time to go back to California with my head between my legs.

This felt like a midlife crisis. I was always was sure of exactly what I was going to do - be a ballerina at the San Francisco ballet. That’s it. Now, I was living in this gray area and I felt completely lost. It was an unfamiliar and awful feeling of wanting to cry all the time.

One evening back home, I was leading a Nutcracker rehearsal and I found myself re-hit with my love for ballet. The male lead did a dance step with so much passion. It was so moving to witness. He got me to somehow reflect on my own passion and as I did, I swear I could feel the flame reigniting inside.

The truth is that ballet never stopped being the air I breathe. I went through a very difficult time that got me to question my passion, but the love for the art never went away. This was such a relief. I felt like a could breathe again.

I ended up pursuing a career in musical theatre. It did not replace ballet, but instead became a connected passion: a love for the stage.

If you are in the middle of doubting the pursuit of your passion, don’t be discouraged. That love never goes away. You may not make a career of it, but you also don’t need to shut it out. You may find something else you love that has the necessary similarities to become your career. Keep yourself open and you will have happiness.

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