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  • Writer's pictureJenna Kantor

Self Doubt Before Rehearsal

[ Do you struggle with self-doubts on your first day of rehearsal? ]

Here are some of the thoughts I had while walking to my first rehearsal as Lady of the Lake earlier this year:

📷I am going to crash and burn.

📷There are many people who can sing this better than me.

📷I am fat.

📷I am older.

📷I am ugly.

📷I hope my voice hides my visual flaws.

📷Will I make the cast/director proud or embarrass them?

📷Is there anyone at this theater hoping I will fail?

📷Am I being paid less than the ensemble again?

📷Am I worth less than the ensemble?

📷Will I sing it better this time or worse?

📷Am I still funny?

📷How quickly will the cast learn that I am an imposter?

📷Will I make any friends?

📷Will it be an outcast?

📷Will the director hire me back?

📷I’ll put my hands on my lap so no one can see the shaking of my hands for my nervousness. That trick always works.

📷Shut up, Jenna. You are outside the door. Smile.

As I become more of a where of my internal struggles, it has given me the opportunity to overcome them for the long term. I’m done with being in denial and faking perfection. I am who I am and I’m working on embracing all of myself. #IamEnough

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