Self Doubt Before Rehearsal
[ Do you struggle with self-doubts on your first day of rehearsal? ]
Here are some of the thoughts I had while walking to my first rehearsal as Lady of the Lake earlier this year:
📷I am going to crash and burn.
📷There are many people who can sing this better than me.
📷I am fat.
📷I am older.
📷I am ugly.
📷I hope my voice hides my visual flaws.
📷Will I make the cast/director proud or embarrass them?
📷Is there anyone at this theater hoping I will fail?
📷Am I being paid less than the ensemble again?
📷Am I worth less than the ensemble?
📷Will I sing it better this time or worse?
📷Am I still funny?
📷How quickly will the cast learn that I am an imposter?
📷Will I make any friends?
📷Will it be an outcast?
📷Will the director hire me back?
📷I’ll put my hands on my lap so no one can see the shaking of my hands for my nervousness. That trick always works.
📷Shut up, Jenna. You are outside the door. Smile.
As I become more of a where of my internal struggles, it has given me the opportunity to overcome them for the long term. I’m done with being in denial and faking perfection. I am who I am and I’m working on embracing all of myself. #IamEnough