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Self Doubt Before Rehearsal

[ Do you struggle with self-doubts on your first day of rehearsal? ]

Here are some of the thoughts I had while walking to my first rehearsal as Lady of the Lake earlier this year:

I am going to crash and burn.

There are many people who can sing this better than me.

I am fat.

I am older.

I am ugly.

I hope my voice hides my visual flaws.

Will I make the cast/director proud or embarrass them?

Is there anyone at this theater hoping I will fail?

Am I being paid less than the ensemble again?

Am I worth less than the ensemble?

Will I sing it better this time or worse?

Am I still funny?

How quickly will the cast learn that I am an imposter?

Will I make any friends?

Will it be an outcast?

Will the director hire me back?

I’ll put my hands on my lap so no one can see the shaking of my hands for my nervousness. That trick always works.

Shut up, Jenna. You are outside the door. Smile.

As I become more of a where of my internal struggles, it has given me the opportunity to overcome them for the long term. I’m done with being in denial and faking perfection. I am who I am and I’m working on embracing all of myself. #IamEnough

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